We often confuse these two words, I know I do. It is probably due to the ever so confusing English language that has made us think these two descriptive words can be used interchangeably. But in my vast experience of social interactions I’ve quickly learnt just because someone is ‘nice’ does not mean they are kind.

Kindness to me reflects authenticity and comes from within. It is the way to describe someone’s spirit and heart. Afterall, kindness is one of the fruits of the Spirit. However, niceness doesn’t have the same correlation. It is performative and when you think about it, niceness has nothing to do with the inner man really. You can be hurtful in a ‘nice way’. When you think about niceness, its not a descriptive word solely for human behaviour but can also be used to describe non-living things, whereas kindness is specific to living things. Well that’s my understanding, here’s what Oxford dictionary describes:

They are clearly different. The point of this post is to truly understand the fruits of the spirit, as Jesus has already given us a clue on how to discern wolves in sheep’s clothing…”you will know them by their fruits” – Matthew 7:16. In a time were deception is at its all time high and it is getting very tricky to know who to trust, it is important we understand what kind of spirit a person has. The battle between good and evil. As reminder, the fruits of the spirit per Galatians 5:22-23 are: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These are the traits you should be discerning when engaging with any individual. These are the traits you should also examine in yourself because just as you are assessing these traits in others, best believe they are also doing the same to you.

In this season I’ve been learning a lot around the fruits of the spirit. Also because of the ‘learnings’ from dating in this craaazzzy day and age, I’ve started to pay more attention to who I spend time with. Dating is confusing and pretty much discouraging, but I’ve now understood that sometimes the screening process is as simple as you will know them by their fruits. God is faithful in this way and will help you discern, especially when you have taken the time to seek and understand what the fruits of the Holy Spirit are and how they manifest.

In the UK, there is a term often used to describe British behaviour, called ‘British Politeness’. It is associated with disingenious remarks, basically criticisms disguised under the mask of niceness. Or at times, inauthenticity or lack of boldness to be direct and say what you mean, instead you use English to assist in sweetening what you really want to say without hurting the person. If you don’t take time to understand the true meanings behind what was said you would end up being deceived. British Politeness does not have a positive connotation to it, it is pretentious and frankly depicts ‘niceness’.

Whenever a guy would describe me as “nice” I’d always be irked by that and utter under my breath, “a cup of tea is nice”! But it would always trigger me to reflect on how I come across and whether I’m being myself enough for them to see deeper then the superficiality of she’s just “nice”.

Anyway, just wanted to share my thoughts around this. Do not confuse niceness for kindness. Pay attention to kindness instead, yours and theirs. Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit and also describes what love is. I’ll end with this scripture from Colossians 3:12:

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”